Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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