If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
