her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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