you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Damn victory sex feels great
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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