I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
