some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
