if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
