Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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