Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
