I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
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