You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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