remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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