i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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