So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
