so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Boobs speak an international language.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
