Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
two words: eviction party
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
