He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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