mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
