We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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