the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
