But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
