Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
