If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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