you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize