The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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