does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
