video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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