One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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