dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
