there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
