our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
