you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
