I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
