1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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