Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
