I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
