u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
