butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
