Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
