I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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