sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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