A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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