so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Randomize
