Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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