trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize