its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
