**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
