I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
