I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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