All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
