Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
