what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
