Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
