My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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