You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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