She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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