Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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