I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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