I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
