just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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