My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
