i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
pop tarts are not kleenex
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
