Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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