Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
